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23 August, 2009

by The Wandering Wastrel


Back in THE DAY before the summers were sold to the man, when I had hair and shoes were for beer drinkers- Mike and I were on a real bush mish ( Before bushmishTM , the reality TV show “Celebrity Bushmish” and ) up in the Kauri forests of the Coromandel. Going to see a big and hidden Kauri and bask it its ancient healing radiance.
We were being led there along a tangled and forgotten path by Wazza the legend hippie from way back, and tagging along was some kooked out casualty of 70s San Francisco.
Aged hippy woman- completely fried and slowing us down like an anchor. Everything she said was so corny it made me cringe like Gollum and Mikes ranger stride falter.
We trekked on.
Mike had happened upon a magical fairy glade and contained within it was a lush and goodly moss covered rock.
Mike discovered that by drumming the moss with his burgeoning rhythmic skills, one could elicit a pleasant and melodic natural and elf like beat which would sooth the soul and calm the insanity within.
I smiled and he smiled and said ” This is cool” That was ALL that was needed to be said EVER.
BUT THEN the fried old American burnout burst into our sanctuary and uttered a phrase of such purely distilled corn that it could have been served as 80 proof Tennessee whiskey in any tavern and no one would have been the wiser…
She said
The moss immediately changed its sound in protest and was now making a horrid farting sound and its healing beat was lost.

We just fled… Into the forest.

And from then on BTNDTM has came to mean ” I am trying to explain that this current situation approximates that time with that munted old hippie chick…”

But nothing has ever come close…

2 replies to Back To Nature Drum the Moss.

  1. well i just read all your stuff on the sidebar, and this btndtm one was pissfunny.

    bravo. clear and concise character development. good conclusion. 9 out of ten cos there’s always room for improvement.

    i am off to create my own blog now and write some funny shit.

    regards, Nathan.

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