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4 June, 2009

by The Wandering Wastrel

Full Copper Jacket.
The Life and Times of the Cowboy Coppersmith…



The Year is 2002 the place is Goulburn New South Wales.
Me and my Team are building a huge copper dome. The New South Wales Court house Dome.

I am 24 years old at this writing…

Some maggots broke into the work site of the big copper dome we are making and ate all our chocolate biscuits and they threw our tea bags every where and stole our crow bar, then they came back and smashed our jam jar spatting jam everywhere and the same with the chilli sauce and they threw the vice off the roof into the field.

So we rigged up this pressure plate alarm system so if anyone stands on the boards of the second landing a huge hidden car horn goes off at face level !!
This alerts us in the hotel in across the road.
It went off by accident in the middle of the night, and I got there with hand carved wooden sword in hand in 55 seconds. That’s about enough time for them to wonder what all the noise is before they find themselves at the wrong end of my whacking stick.
Just for extra harshness I devised a trap which tips a bucket of freezing water on them if they try to climb a ladder , its so effective I have caught myself with it twice .A bucket a freezing water and a huge horn blaring into your face is not what you want at 3 am. Followed by 4 angry guys appearing a minute later and arguing over who gets to bring the punish down first.

My day.

6:30 wake up and eat protein bar then go across to dome.
Make coffee .
work on dome … hammer hammer … bend fold ,pin work, shape and mold.
11:00 go to deli for massive 10 dollar breakfast of eggs, bacon, toast, mushrooms, spaghetti, onions and a double shot moccachino
11:45. Hammer hammer bend fold etc.
6:00 Go to Hotel , shower .
6:30 go to workers club for yummy dinner.
7:30 back to hotel. watch televizzle , read ,write letters on internets, listen to progressive melodic power metal and worry about where I have gone wrong and why the choices i have made in my life had led me here instead of into the arms of the voluptuous Tarjia Tarkohenen – power metal opera singer of the Finlands progressive power metal giants Nightwish

12:00 Black out and wait in trepidation for the horn which will cause me to spring into action snatch up my wooden sword and go and seriously prod some buttock.

Harsh dome traps on the maggots update….

The maggots broke in again and they threw our kettle off the roof causing us to lose three smoko times of teas nourishing goodness and that is a harsh thing when you are a hard dome worker.
They also ate the rest of our fruit cake.
Anyway what we think happened was that they set off the car horn alarm but we did not hear it as we were so tired. im pretty sure they got doused by the frezzing water as the bucket was smashed to bits, probably in some sort of cold induced frenzy.

We had to initiate sinister phase two of out trap setting operation.

The dome is now fully locked up and we have the horn alarm and the water trap (in a different location) as well as 36 pieces of specially wrapped (and kind of hidden but not quite) laxative chocolate.
Extra strength !
A constipated adult should have max 3 pieces . I had two as a trial and Im not even going to talk about what happened . So if the kids munch it all down which they did with the last normal chocolate we left up there we should be able to just follow the brown trail to where they lie in a runs induced paralysis.

The coup de grace of our citadel of pain is a powerful electric fence unit hooked up to heaps of wire hanging around head, hand and groin level.

The shock is enough to make you cry and be all fucked up and shaky and worried about touching anything for about 3 days.
I decided to test the wire out as well as I didn’t believe it would hurt.

So now we wait.

I also bought a big black velvet cape.

The Dome was nearing completion with no sign of the maggots.
And The scaffold crew arrived to start the dismantling process.

When I went to pack up the traps I found half of the “chocolate” missing.

Woe be tide the naughty scaffold guy as he heads home in the truck and thinks to sneak out a little fart and winds up POOPING HIMSELF !!!


  1. Man, i almost choked on a peanut butter and marmite sammie when I read the bit about the effects of the electric wire!
    Too funny.

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